What my sponsor said

by erics1100paces

Carrythemessage mentioned that he’d be interested in my sponsor’s response to all my assorted fit-throwing.  Well, I asked K if I could put it here, and he said, “sure.”  Note:  I have already discussed with him his aversion to capital letters.  Yes, it annoys me too.  But other than that, he’s a pretty bad-ass sponsor.  The funny thing is that when he was foisted upon me initially by Beardy J, my response was, “that guy? Really?”  It turned out, shockingly, that the longtimers knew a bit more than 1 and 1/2 week sober Eric about sponsorship.  I may not always agree with every one of his words, but I have absolute faith that each one comes from the heart.  My sponsor is an upright fellow indeed.  (He talks about the importance of living ‘upright.’  It’s a great term, and I’ve copped it wholeheartedly.)  Anyhow, here’s what he said:

i’m personally done with all that fighting.  at this point i’m wondering if coffee and ice cream block the spiritual fitness. 

i’m sure it does because it rents space in my head, activates my conscience.  I have an inkling that i’d be better off without them. fewer rapid thoughts, less heart attack guilt.  this is a spiritual pruning for me.

what i want is to be the best transmitter i can. and i want the best conscious contact i can get.  mind altering substances, for me, didn’t work then. if they did, i wouldn’t be here, I’d be taking tourists to ayahuasca ceremonies and starting an acid cult. they sure as hell didn’t breathe life into buddhism nor did they make religious texts inherently comprehensible.  but i have that now and that’s what my heart always wanted. 

i went to a modern shamanism lecture series given by the head librarian at the Philosophical Research Society, the largest collection of occult and esoteric texts.

one of my biggest frustrations was finding out that certain cultures reach ecstatic states without the use of entheogens.  dammit, i said, there are some who don’t depend on this alteration. i knew it.  it wasn’t even working then for me and led me deeper into insanity and isolation.i was so relieved to find that AA culture, paired with my yoga and a “living” relationship with my religious studies, brought about and maintained these states that i tried so hard to catalog or quantify.

the mind is a hell of drug.  self is a foe i choose to battle without augmentation.

i believe we are rocketed to the fourth dimension in this deal. weed is soooo third dimension…

peace, rastaman.