Crosstalk

by erics1100paces

So today I was talking with D over coffee. I mentioned responding poorly in a meeting. Another individual had shared something, and I had offered my opinion about it when I shared. I expressed regret that I had offered a somewhat aggressive response.

D said, “that sounds like crosstalk to me.”

“I thought crosstalk was talking while someone else was talking,” answered I.

“No, that’s called ‘interrupting.’ Crosstalk is responding directly to another person’s share.”

Are you serious AA? Why is it that at meetings you always hear, “no crosstalk,” but no one ever explains what that means?! Is that common knowledge or something? Is it like the word “cat,” where everyone is expected to know the definition of the word? In my homegroup in Cali there are these two guys who often chat quietly between themselves while people are sharing, and I’ve sat there many times with my arms crossed and thought, “Hmpf. Crosstalk is so rude!” Then I’ve raised my hand and began, “in response to what Bob said…”

Anyways, now I feel like a complete idiot, because I think I “crosstalk” quite frequently, and no one has ever called me out on it before, and I didn’t even know I was doing it. I’m glad I know now. Thanks, D, for the headsup.

4 Comments to “Crosstalk”

byebyebeer says:

March 18, 2014 at 10:13 am

Haha, I can relate. I don’t think I’d even heard the term crosstalk, let alone knew what it meant before I’d been doing it for months. If you had upset someone with yours, chances are good you would have known. The rules in AA are funny though, aren’t they? It seems so loose and laid back at first, but there are plenty of unspoken taboos. Enforced by a small majority, and it seems to work that way. Loved the part with “hmph, cross talk is so rude!”…made me lol.

carrythemessage says:

March 18, 2014 at 10:31 am

Don’t feel bad – It’s one of those things we learn as we go. No one said the rooms were full of the most sane, appropriate and mindful folks…ha ha. We do get the whisperers, the crosstalkers, the texters, the fidgety ones, the going-through-their-pursers, the knitters, the coffee slurpers, etc. Can be annoying, but they aren’t targeting anyone in particular. Crosstalking can be seen as targeting someone in particular (even when the comment is positive a la “I like what Bob said about blah blah blah”) and the idea is that the rooms are a safe place to share.

Crosstalk also can refer to offering unsolicited advice to someone (“I think you should leave that guy…” etc.) Having said that, there is a men’s meeting I have been to around here that encourages crosstalk. Interesting, but not my cup of tea. Some guys dig it. But almost all meetings ask that we respect everyone’s share by not commenting on it directly. One thing that I often say (and others say to) to acknowledge what someone has said, but not target them, is something like “and as was mentioned in this room tonight, blah blah blah”. And it’s always a positive thing…

Anyway, we find our ways through this. You’re finding your way through.

Cheers
Paul

barista1971 says:

March 18, 2014 at 12:42 pm

We do better when we know better….plain and simple….you thought you were responding to ones conversation….no harm from you!!! Congrats on 80 DAYS!!! Crosstalk is really the least of our problems…don’t beat yourself up!!!

- erics1100paces says:
  
  March 18, 2014 at 11:34 pm
  
  Thanks, barista1971! I feel like I’m starting to come around a bit in general, at least for the last couple of days. Now I know that’s frowned upon, and there’s no point in wallowing in past mistakes. If I’m going to do that, then I’ve got many bigger mistakes than poor meeting etiquette I can wallow in.