Thy will, not mine

by erics1100paces

Principles before personalities.  Boy is that something I need to hear every meeting.  A fairly high percentage of us in the rooms, it seems, are SPITeR’s – smartest person in the room.  Of course, we aren’t actually the smartest person in the room.  And even if we are, it doesn’t matter one bit.  Not the slightest little bit.  It’s really just a “grave emotional and mental defect.”  Our chances are less than average.  However, we can recover if we have the capacity to be honest.  I do have that capacity, and I am recovering.  In fact, I’m becoming a better person by decent-sized chunks everyday.  False modesty is it’s own little ego trip too.

I got a great email from my sponsor this morning.  I’m going to help a lot of people as I travel this road, just as I’ve been helped by so many on my journey so far.  So when that guy last night shares and sounds really smart, and displays a lot, I need to remember, he’s got the same sickness I’ve got.  He probably doesn’t feel good about it either.  He might be waking up right now, kicking himself, and thinking “why am I such a showoff?!”  When I succumb to my urge to “put him in his place” I’m just displaying that SPITeR defect of character.  Last night, I didn’t, and I’m so grateful for that.  If I succeed in winning that, I lose, and he loses too.  And hell, maybe he is smarter than me.  Good.

I heard this last night:  Don’t worry, don’t hurry, don’t compare.  I love that.  I like the fact that the last bit doesn’t rhyme.  I’m generally not in too much of hurry, and I’m not sure about the worrying part, but the comparing part is a big battle for me.  Anyhow.  Principles before personalities.

God, thank you for my life today; thank you for my sobriety; please forgive me my sins; thy will, not mine, be done; and please free me from the bondage of human ego.  I’ll do the work.  I’ll get started on that step three worksheet today.  I’ll make at least a little progress on it.  Step four looms.  But if I want to be entirely ready in step 6, and I do, then I’ve got to face up to the realities of step four first.

Thanks y’all for being out there.  Thanks so much for everything.