Teeth feeling worse. Pants on fire. Otherwise, good.
My teeth are hurting again. I’d bite the bullet and go to the dentist, but biting a bullet would be agonizing. Ha cha cha cha! But seriously, tooth pain sucks ass.
Anyhow, not a lot to report. I was asked to “be Bill” tonight. That was nice. The format of the meeting is interesting. The chair picks someone to read a selection of his choosing from “As Bill Sees It,” and to then talk about it for 10-15 minutes. This is known as “being Bill.” I had a couple of minutes before the meeting to flip through the book (which is a book I don’t own) and find a selection to read. I chose p. 123, “The New AA and his Family,” which quotes from the 12 and 12, and includes this sentence: the wife is forced to become the mother of an erring boy, and the alcoholic alternately loves and hates her maternal care.
It was a good thing for me to choose to read. I relate to it, and knew I could speak from the heart on the subject. Which I did. But also…
I lied during my 10 minutes.
I have spent a considerable portion of my time since reflecting upon why I did so. It was such a strange thing to lie about too. I said, “This is a quote is from another book, I don’t remember which, either the Big Book or the 12 and 12 I think, but I have definitely read it before, I know that.” The lying part was that I didn’t know which book it was from. I did know. It was from the 12 and 12. It said so right at the bottom of page 123 of “As Bill See It.” I saw that and noted it when I read the selection. I had just looked at those words not two minutes prior, and I knew I was lying when I said that, and I said it anyway.
Why did I do that?