A few thoughts
Thought one: Time.
Time passes much differently than it used to. It seems impossible that I’ve only been here 30 days. I’m not sure if that’s a sobriety thing, a China thing, or some of both. Well, it’s some of both. I am sure after all. There are a lot more real hours in the day. There used to be so few. There were the drunk evenings, the shitty mornings, the stoned days, the distracted by work time, and maybe an hour or two of something resembling reality here and there. And China days are long and full, and lacking in TV or Playstation football to whittle away hours.
Thought two: Dreams.
I just woke up from a little nap. Lots of dreams every sleep, many about sobriety in some guise or another. I had no dreams, really, for years. None that I recalled anyway. I had fever dreams sometimes, when the poison hot and cold sweats wouldn’t let me sleep properly. Those were unpleasant. Now my dreams are… well, dreamlike I guess. Disjointed and random, sometimes pleasant, sometimes neutral, occasionally bad. But they are there.
Thought three: Memory.
I used to spend so much of my day remembering bad things. Recent and long past, memories filled my day, memories that desperately needed to go away, memories I rushed home to kill. Now I don’t spend too much time in memory. I think about sobriety a lot. And I think about work. I think about what I’ll write here, and what I’ll post on Facebook. I think about what I’ll make for dinner, and what I need to pick up from the store.
Thought four: Quotes.
Are these extravagant promises? Absolutely!
– someone (not sure who) from my Cali homegroup always says this instead of “we think not.”
– my sponsor