Just another donut Tuesday (woah-oh-oh)
Well, it’s Tuesday night, and that means another update from the Donut King meeting.
I woke up from a 3 hour nap at 5PM. The chicken vegetable soup I had left on low was done, so I dug around in it with the wooden spoons to pull out all the bones, put them outside for the wild cats, had myself a bowl (of soup, not of wild cats), and was out of the house by 6PM. Not wanting a repeat of last week’s taxi difficulties, I took the subway this evening, and emerged from the Jing’an Temple station at 6:35PM. That gave me some time to kill, so I went to the nearby Old Navy store to look for a wool cap to replace the one I left in a cab a couple of weeks back. Alas, it’s all spring clothing now.
Despite all this happy sounding activity, I felt rather low before entering the Donut King. The end of my nap had been marked by a bad dream. In it, someone was bullying me – teasing me about being in AA, and about a Facebook comment I had made. This referred to no specific real world Facebook comment, mind you, it was just something in the dream. But I had no words in this dream, no comebacks. I couldn’t put a sentence together.
I thought about this dream all through my soup eating, and subway ride, and Old Navy browsing. I’m the other guy in the dream, the bully. That’s what I determined. See, I was bullied some as a kid, and didn’t know how to fight back. And so as an adult, no one would ever bully me. But in looking for injustices to right, looking for fights, looking to crush those who “deserved it,” I became that which I hated. It made me so sad to think about that.
But the meeting was great. We read a story from the book, and almost everyone, including me, spoke a bit. And I feel really good now, except for my teeth, which are definitely getting worse. They’ve hurt more or less all day today. The guilt I’ll deal with through the steps. But my teeth? Well, I doubt I’ll make it the 24 days I have left in China without a trip to the dentist.