A Friend

by erics1100paces

Yesterday’s daily reflection talked about becoming “a friend among friends, a worker among workers.”  Last night, at my 6th meeting in 2 days, I felt that.  I sat there for most of the meeting, really listening (mostly), not judging (much), not planning what I might say (much), and being (almost) completely OK with the periods of silence between shares.  I left the matter of whether I would share or what I would say unresolved.  I’d just let it happen if it were meant to happen.  In the end, I remained silent.

There was a moment of fear during one prolonged period of silence.  I was thoroughly enjoying it, hearing the wind howl outside, and just feeling the warmth of the room.  Then I feared someone might double dip, and almost spoke, as double dipping seemed something socially awkward to be prevented.  But I noted, “that’s fear,” and I let it go.

After the meeting I went to eat with 4 or 5 program folk, and I was at peace.  We spoke with one another, it was natural, I listened, I talked, I enjoyed the company of others, and did not posture, or try to prove anything, be it status or humility or intelligence, or willingness, or anything.  I was, at long last, a friend among friends.

The only problem is that I can’t normally make 6 meetings in 2 days.  And it seems to take an awful lot of AA to get me out of my own head, and then life happens and I’m back in it.

But I spoke briefly with my sponsor last night, and he reminded me that service work is a necessary component to the whole thing.  Of course, I can’t transmit what I don’t have.  So that I means I need to push through the rest of the steps, and get to a more consistent place, where I can be of real service to others.  So right now, after I push publish on this post, I’m going to finish the 3rd step worksheet.  Or at least make more progress on it.

I wish you all a fine day, and hope that you feel at peace for as large a portion of it as possible.