Yesterday’s daily reflection talked about becoming “a friend among friends, a worker among workers.” Last night, at my 6th meeting in 2 days, I felt that. I sat there for most of the meeting, really listening (mostly), not judging (much), not planning what I might say (much), and being (almost) completely OK with the periods of silence between shares. I left the matter of whether I would share or what I would say unresolved. I’d just let it happen if it were meant to happen. In the end, I remained silent.
There was a moment of fear during one prolonged period of silence. I was thoroughly enjoying it, hearing the wind howl outside, and just feeling the warmth of the room. Then I feared someone might double dip, and almost spoke, as double dipping seemed something socially awkward to be prevented. But I noted, “that’s fear,” and I let it go.
After the meeting I went to eat with 4 or 5 program folk, and I was at peace. We spoke with one another, it was natural, I listened, I talked, I enjoyed the company of others, and did not posture, or try to prove anything, be it status or humility or intelligence, or willingness, or anything. I was, at long last, a friend among friends.
The only problem is that I can’t normally make 6 meetings in 2 days. And it seems to take an awful lot of AA to get me out of my own head, and then life happens and I’m back in it.
But I spoke briefly with my sponsor last night, and he reminded me that service work is a necessary component to the whole thing. Of course, I can’t transmit what I don’t have. So that I means I need to push through the rest of the steps, and get to a more consistent place, where I can be of real service to others. So right now, after I push publish on this post, I’m going to finish the 3rd step worksheet. Or at least make more progress on it.
I wish you all a fine day, and hope that you feel at peace for as large a portion of it as possible.