When I start thinking too much, and having bad ideas and such, it’s of use to remind myself that I have a mental illness. I heard something like this last night in the meeting, and it’s very true. There’s really no disputing it. Nobody can reasonably call the behavior of active alcoholism anything other than a mental illness. But the mental illness is more global than that; it impacts every aspect of my being. I was standing outside on a short break right now, and having odd thoughts, and feeling “restless and discontent,” and I reminded myself:
“You’re mentally ill. That’s why you are like this. It’s OK, you can get better, you can feel OK. You have a very strange, non-rational mental illness. You appear normal to other people, but you aren’t. Other people can tolerate existence. But your illness has a remedy. It involves a spiritual solution. Your illness is unique, and thus requires a unique treatment. You have known almost no peace for almost your entire life, but you can if you work the solution. Don’t listen to your thoughts. You’re mentally ill.”
That really helped. I felt better. Oh. Right. Because I’m mentally ill, that’s why.