Messy Messy Messy Head!

by erics1100paces

I don’t know what honesty is.  I don’t know what pride is.  I don’t know if I can be honestly proud, or proudly honest.  I’m not sure if I can recognize fear.  I want to be able to be something without displaying it, but I want to be able to honestly display that which I am without being proud of displaying it, or…  I don’t even fucking know anything!  I can’t figure anything out!  Every time I think I have something figured out, it won’t stay pinned down!

The only thing about which I am completely certain is step one.  I am powerless over alcohol.  I am a real alcoholic.  Alcohol kicked my ass and made me miserable and made my life unmanageable.  I’m going cling to that and try to go to sleep, because that’s the only thing that doesn’t squirm around in this whole business.

I can’t even predict if I’m going to bed.  I am so bad at predicting things!