Self-indulgence and dishonesty
I’m not crazy.
I was lying to myself, because I was enjoying the feeling of self-will, and I didn’t want to take the measures to bring myself down from that mood, because I liked being in that mood. I was being self-indulgent and dishonest. I was pretending, and justifying it.
I went to the meeting tonight, and talked to a couple of hardliners after the meeting. They set me straight. Thank you for that, M and J.
I must engage in a consistent process of spiritual growth and maintenance, and be on the lookout at all times for self-pity, resentment, fear, and… there’s one more, but it escapes me at the moment. I have the tools in place to deal with whatever mood I may be in, and when I do not choose to use them, that’s on me.
I’m sorry about that email. I was wrong, and indulging in self-deception and self-will, ego and self-righteousness. I apologize.
A program of rigorous honesty really stings sometimes. It is bruising to the ego.