Self-indulgence and dishonesty

by erics1100paces

I’m not crazy.

I was lying to myself, because I was enjoying the feeling of self-will, and I didn’t want to take the measures to bring myself down from that mood, because I liked being in that mood.  I was being self-indulgent and dishonest.  I was pretending, and justifying it.

I went to the meeting tonight, and talked to a couple of hardliners after the meeting.  They set me straight.  Thank you for that, M and J.

I must engage in a consistent process of spiritual growth and maintenance, and be on the lookout at all times for self-pity, resentment, fear, and… there’s one more, but it escapes me at the moment.  I have the tools in place to deal with whatever mood I may be in, and when I do not choose to use them, that’s on me.

I’m sorry about that email.  I was wrong, and indulging in self-deception and self-will, ego and self-righteousness.  I apologize.

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A program of rigorous honesty really stings sometimes.  It is bruising to the ego.

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