Today was a day of progress for me. Not everything went great, but I dealt with things well. I think I viewed things as part of a larger framework. I took lessons from past mistakes and behaved differently. I executed the second and third parts of the serenity prayer.
When I was drinking and taking drugs, I lived in the moment. The first part of the serenity prayer was my life, except without the God or the serenity parts. I accepted everything, and could change nothing. Shit just happened. I felt things, but didn’t identify them as feelings. I acted upon those feelings but never really understood that’s what I was doing. I literally felt as though in all things and in all ways, shit just happened. I was blown about by the winds of whim and circumstance, and had no choice but to accept it, graciously or otherwise.
Today was a day of contrary action. I felt fighty and took countermeasures; I didn’t indulge in the mood. I finished some little bits of work instead of putting them off until tomorrow, though I could have. I was angered by an article and did not start fights about it, or participate in existing fights about it. Later, I disagreed with someone’s post on Facebook about the most recent supreme court decision and I did not comment. Work was poised to seize from my family my first day back, and I had the courage to change it, even though it wasn’t comfortable. After work, I purchased one more souvenir, and did the haggling thing, got a fair-ish price I think, and was impacted emotionally only a little. Afterwards, I went to get a massage and got the “intermediate technician.” It’s 50 RMB cheaper, and thus less than 20 dollars for an hour. I had decided going in that I wouldn’t be talked into the senior technician – 10 dollars more – and I wasn’t.
It wasn’t an easy day, but it was a good day. Tonight’s the late meeting, starting at 8:15PM, and it was small – just 4 of us – and excellent. I go to bed feeling pretty much at peace.