by erics1100paces

Today was a day of progress for me.  Not everything went great, but I dealt with things well.  I think I viewed things as part of a larger framework.  I took lessons from past mistakes and behaved differently.  I executed the second and third parts of the serenity prayer.

When I was drinking and taking drugs, I lived in the moment.  The first part of the serenity prayer was my life, except without the God or the serenity parts.  I accepted everything, and could change nothing.  Shit just happened.  I felt things, but didn’t identify them as feelings.  I acted upon those feelings but never really understood that’s what I was doing.  I literally felt as though in all things and in all ways, shit just happened.  I was blown about by the winds of whim and circumstance, and had no choice but to accept it, graciously or otherwise.

Today was a day of contrary action.  I felt fighty and took countermeasures; I didn’t indulge in the mood.  I finished some little bits of work instead of putting them off until tomorrow, though I could have.  I was angered by an article and did not start fights about it, or participate in existing fights about it.  Later, I disagreed with someone’s post on Facebook about the most recent supreme court decision and I did not comment.  Work was poised to seize from my family my first day back, and I had the courage to change it, even though it wasn’t comfortable.  After work, I purchased one more souvenir, and did the haggling thing, got a fair-ish price I think, and was impacted emotionally only a little.  Afterwards, I went to get a massage and got the “intermediate technician.”  It’s 50 RMB cheaper, and thus less than 20 dollars for an hour.  I had decided going in that I wouldn’t be talked into the senior technician – 10 dollars more – and I wasn’t.

It wasn’t an easy day, but it was a good day.  Tonight’s the late meeting, starting at 8:15PM, and it was small – just 4 of us – and excellent.  I go to bed feeling pretty much at peace.