Same pattern, 3 days in a row
So I’m “irritable and discontent” again. Each of the last three days, at the end of the work day, I’ve found myself annoyed and snippy. Tuesday I was kind of dickish to my family. Last night, I didn’t see them until after the Roxbury outing, by which time I felt good. This evening, I’m being short with my daughter and generally churlish. Nothing happened at work to make me that way. I had thought perhaps a lack of productivity the last couple of days was to blame. But today I got good work done, or at least better work done, and I’m still in a mood. Why? Well…
Sobriety at home feels different that sobriety in Shanghai. I have more hours of actual time and less general exhaustion. I’m not processing a new city, I’m not going back and forth between places all the time, I’m not going to quite as many meetings, and sobriety’s just not as new. This moodiness began on Tuesday, just about when I’d fully recovered from the jet lag and gotten back into home mode. I’ve got associations here. I associate the end of work with getting intoxicated. For the last couple months before China, with smoking weed and watching TV. Prior to that, with drinking. Now, nothing passive seems interesting.
Also, work here involves a lot more office time. I had only two office days a week in China (days where I just sat and worked on the computer). Office days gave me some trouble in China too.
Last night, the meeting cured it, and I came home happy. I think I’ll try a new meeting tonight and see what happens. It’s a better option than sitting here being unpleasant.