A Diagnosis and a Cure

I heard a couple of things in the meeting tonight.  First, someone described himself as “an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.”

That’s me in a nutshell.  Earlier, I had emailed my sponsor and asked him why I was such an asshole.  That’s why.  I feel compelled to prove myself superior to others.  Then I feel terrible, because all I really want is for them to like me.

The guy who led the meeting, however, pointed to a solution when he said, “after I completed the 6th and 7th steps I stopped being such an asshole.”

I need to hurry up and get through steps 2-5.

Regarding Step Two

OK, here’s a little old Eric for you, just because I can’t help it:  Fuck PDFs that prohibit copy and pasting.  Really AA?  I can’t copy and paste stuff from the 12 x 12?  Do you think that helps us to achieve our primary purpose?  I think not.  Now I have to type this shit in, goddammit.  Sigh.  Fine.  Here’s what I have to remember about step 2.  At least half of us are in the same boat as I am.  I suspect few of us walk into a meeting and say, I’m totally ready to embrace a 180 degree change from the perspective on God that I have held for the last 40 years.  But that’s OK.  As the 12 x 12 tells me, I don’t have to do anything, and I sure as hell don’t have to do anything right away.  For me, right now, the important thing is that I’m open to an HP, and looking for his presence in my life.

“First, AA does not demand that you believe anything.  All of its Twelve Steps are but suggestions.  Second, to get sober and to stay sober, you don’t have to swallow all of Step Two right now…  Third, all you really need is a truly open mind.  Just resign from the debating society and quit bothering yourself with such deep questions…”

At some point I will be able to offer my resignation to the debating society.  As the world’s most enthusiastic member of the debating society, this is no small order for me.  If I can ever truly get over my desire to debate everything, people should watch out, because the apocalypse is soon to follow.  Having said that, my urge to fight is kind of like my urge to drink.  I can’t conceive of it in terms of forever.  But I can probably avoid the debate until I go to sleep tonight, and that’s probably all I need to do right now.

I hope all y’all out there in sober land are not only clearheaded, but happy too.  And at peace.  The debating society is not a peaceful place.  I can tell you that with 100% certainty.

A New VPN

Well, I got sick of Express VPN only allowing me a functional connection in the early morning and late at night.  So I ordered Vpyr VPN.  Wow.  It is sooo much better.  Best $14.99 a month I’ve ever spent.  Expect more frequent posts going forward.

Big thanks to Mike for his comments.  I’m starting to think of Mike as my sober-blog virtual sponsor.  This isn’t to diminish my appreciation of other commenters, just to make note of the consistently encouraging and helpful content of his responses.  I really do appreciate the input, Mike.